Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
