i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
