The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
