At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize