and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
