For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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