Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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