4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
