Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
