No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
