i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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