Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
