It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
