my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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