I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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