Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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