then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
