At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
