Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
