He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize