you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
