what day is it and did you see me today?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
