Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
