Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Holy sore nipples Batman
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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