life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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