that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
