Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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