between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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