Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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