So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
