You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
