i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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