Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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