I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
