Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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