Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
