Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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