Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize