dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
