I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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