I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
