You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
