so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
