Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I am one with the molecules
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
