I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
