This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
