just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize