did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
