Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
