Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween

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(807): View more from Ontario

he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants

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She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly

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(312): View more from Illinois

Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.

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