Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
