I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
