Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
