Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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