college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
