smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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