went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
