Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
