I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
