you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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