how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
