I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
