guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
