so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
