Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
